Crossing New Bridges

I have long had a phobia of crossing bridges that are over water.  Usually, just in a car.  Something about the idea of being trapped in the car if the bridge collapsed into water made it more terrifying to me.  I have made real progress in dealing with this fear though, and have progressed to the point where I can drive over and look out over smaller bridges.  You will not find me heading to Key West or checking out the Golden Gate Bridge though.  But I have assumed that this fear of bridges was simply about driving over them.  I hadn't figured on being afraid to walk across some.

This past weekend we found a state park in our area that has lots of wonderful hiking trails down by a river.  We took the kids out for a little hike and came to a suspension bridge.  Steve wore Ana in the carrier and walked out with Gabe as I followed shortly after holding Addie's hand.  I got as far as seeing the water below the bridge when I stopped.  Had to stop.  A wave of anxiety hit me and I told Steve I had to turn around.  I apologized to the people behind us, who were very polite, and came off the bridge.  Steve wanted to help me conquer this fear and encouraged me to try again.  I asked to go first, so that I wouldn't see the bridge swaying as he walked, grabbed Addie's hand and started out again.

At first, I told myself, "Just look at the bridge, just look at the bridge."
 But as the bridge swayed and dipped with every step I soon found myself saying, "anywhere but the bridge.  anywhere but the bridge!"
My eyes shot out to the trees beside us and I tried to focus on them, but even they were swaying in the wind.  I finally focused my eyes on the unmoving bridge anchors at the end and, taking very small steps and deep breaths, made it all the way across.  I sat down on a bench, feeling slightly dizzy, my body buzzing from adrenaline or fear, and on the verge of tears.  The feeling passed quickly though as we continued our hike. Of course we had to cross the bridge again to get back out, but I did better that time.

The rest of the day I felt good.  Really good.  Empowered, even. I hadn't expected to conquer a fear that day, especially one I didn't even know I had.  A small accomplishment, but having that knowledge that you can do something you thought you couldn't... priceless.

Oooh, sparkly

I have been deep cleaning my kitchen for the past several days and it's been wonderful. I have cleaned up every "hot spot" surface and kept them free of clutter for almost a week now. You know, they're those places that seem to always be covered in things . Things to be put away or given away or thrown away. For some people it's their mantle. For others a coffee table. Well, for me, in my kitchen, it was the top of the microwave, next to my coffee maker, the top of the fridge and my dryer. (Washer and dryer area is in the kitchen.) Wow, that's a lot. But no more! It's so nice to have those areas free of clutter. I almost feel lighter with all that stuff gone.

I'm also planning on re-organizing my storage for my laundry area. I have some great storing systems in there but I'm using them for the wrong things. I need to have anything I use daily or weekly in there and everything else moved upstairs to the storage room. (We have finally decided to keep Ana in our room until she can share with the twins and move the desk from our bedroom to the spare room to have it an office/storage area.)

I've also been able to get some deeper cleaning done. I have found that if I clean out the sink for the kids and let them play with toys in the water they're in heaven, and fully occupied, for anywhere from 30-45 minutes, though it is an activity that requires much supervision (and lots of towels). Tackling some small jobs lets me stay with them but still be productive. So far I have been able to clean my baseboards, wipe down all my appliances, doors and cabinets, clean the stove and hood, scrub every corner and hard to get to place, and clean and organize the bathroom. We'll play again today, the microwave is calling my name.

Helping me to help me

For the past week or so I have been getting a head start on the day. I shoot to be up by 6:30 or 7:00 since the kids come downstairs at 8:00. This one change has made such a difference in how the day flows and, best of all, allows me to greet the kids with genuine enthusiasm for the day.

As much as I don't enjoy waking early I really am a morning person. I don't even drink coffee. Heh. But I work well in this quiet time. I'm able to do things like drink a cup of hot, black tea while planning my day and reading the news, make a healthy breakfast, prep lunches, exercise, and get in a load of laundry. It may not seem like much but it's so nice to have some time to get centered and prepared before the chaos begins. Anything I can do now to make a future event (activities, meal times) go smoothly is helpful.

If I take the time in the morning to make myself a wrap for lunch I know that even if the kids are going crazy, the baby is fussy and the kitchen is destroyed I will still have a healthy meal to sit down to and eat with the kids. If I can clean out the sink I'll be ready for when the kids want to do water play. (2 cups, a spoon and a sponge each and they're in heaven.) And if I chop up some vegetables I can get dinner in the crock pot in under 5 minutes.

I've made some other changes to help keep me organized and on track through the day (daily planners, task calendars... I'll get to those later) but this one has been the most important and had the most impact. I feel... empowered, and that this is the start of some very good things.